Alex – Chapter 17
Quench out the secret
He wiped his tears and looked at me “I need to tell you something Edwin, But I don’t know how to start or how you will take this. But I can’t control it”
I looked at him “yes Evan, what ever it is, I am here, Just say it, why are you avoiding me”
Evan hugged me and cried for few seconds. Evan asked a promise to me “Whatever I say, You promise me, that you will never leave me or tell anyone about it now?”
I slightly smiled “You are my only buddy, who else is there to even talk to, I will always be with you Evan, You know right you are my everything”
Evan looked nervous and hesitated to talk, I urged him to open his mouth “come on man, just spit it out”.
Evan holds my hand and said “I think I am gay”
I looked at him and stood there without any reaction, It was a big shock for me. He looked at me broken and his eyes filled with tears, I don’t want to break his heart I continued “So what? that can’t ruin our friendship”
Evan looked at me in the eyes and said “I am in love with you Edwin” and he holds my hand and please don’t leave me”
I looked at him in the eyes and didn’t said anything, I didn’t know what to say that moment I don’t want to lose my best friend because he is gay. Evan broke the silence and slowly came to me, I started to take deep slow breath, he came close to my lips kissed me. It was new at that age, all I know is nothing about sex, I did not hesitate, I did not regret, whatever happened at that moment, I let it happen, My first mistake. After a long kiss, he released me from it. I looked at him and nods my head and with hesitation and confusion I said “Okay, let’s be friends again?”
Evan hugged me again “I love you Edwin, I Love you so much”
I did not comment about it I only said “Okay Evan, Don’t ever avoid me okay, let’s be normal again? Can we play some chess now?”
Evan smiled. After that incident, Evan were very close to me. In school, kids use to tease us as gays. We never bothered. But students made fun of us, I didn’t mind at that time, but that keeps running in my head.
School life became a hell to me. My life was very confused at that time, I am not sure whether I am gay or not. Evan and I spent more time at his house, But I couldn’t spend much time together with Evan so I tried to skip some days. So Evan decided to come to my house for study nights, I couldn’t stop him, he was so madly in love. My dad allowed him.
Our study nights slowly turns into lust nights, we started to sleep nude. Then we moved on to next step. Evan and I and that night, I couldn’t able to explain that night until now, why did I let that happen that night, I let it happen as if like I am in a trance, Every night he came to my house, I got more depressed, but I didn’t show anything in my face, because he was still my best friend. My family did not suspect anything.
One night Evan came with a chain, he asked me to wear it, I denied to accept it, but then he urged me to wear it and took a Polaroid from his bag, we took pictures of ourselves kissing and hugging each other, he gave me a copy of each. I looked at the pictures and got even more confused I started to ask myself “is this me? is this how I am going to live the rest of my life” with lot of questions in a second I asked him “Why are you doing this now?” I didn’t know what to do that time.
Evan smiled “I am going to open up to my parents, this is for the memory and proof that we are in love, I am going to show them this and open up, are you with me in this?”
“I asked with fear – Now?” I said without a confidence, because I knew those days are not for people to come out as gays or something.
Evan holds my shoulders and said “It’s time Edwin, I don’t want to hide it anymore”
I hung my head without a reaction, he shook me and said “let’s do it Edwin, agree?” I nodded without an option
We both agreed to open up to our parents. I don’t know what happened at Evan’s place, But what happened at my house was nothing, I didn’t say a word about it, how can I talk about it when I don’t want to accept it, I still had a second thought about the decision he took.
But Evan did, he opened up to his parents, they informed my dad and he threw me out of the house. My mom supported me, Not for Evan, but to take me back into the home.
That day evening, My mom took me inside and got a promise from me to never talk or meet or speak to Evan. I felt relieved in a way I don’t want to meet him again and can forget whatever happened with him. But the memories haunted me. My parents did not talked to me, they avoided me, I fell into a deeper depression.
I was locked inside my own house and was never allowed outside, I kept looking at the photos nude together and kissing each other, I was so confused whether to accept it or forget it. I did not even write the exams, but I got score card delivered at home with the school transfer certificates.
My Mom and Dad never talked with me like before, there was no love in their eyes, I desperately wanted their love back, I decided to stick with a promise to earn their love back from my mom and dad. I promised them again that I will do whatever they ask me to do, and asked them to be normal as before.
They asked me to change the school I agreed. I have heard there is another boy school far from my home. As I expected I got the placed on that school. But nothing changed from my parents, they still avoided me.
That was my first day in the school, I was on my way to my class. That’s where I met them, Benjamin & Frank. These two are the gang leaders in the school. Being in the senior class and their attitude, other students were afraid of them.
Benjamin called me by snapping his finger “Hey! come over here”
I walked to them, they asked me “You are the new joiner?”
I nodded my head, “What is your skill? Dance, song, art?, we heard you are skilled at being a stupid” Frank came close to me and pushed me by the wall and smelled me “Did you even take bath, you stink!” he commented and released.
I was already depressed, I couldn’t do anything but only my depression got worse. I have heard Benjamin and Frank will do anything for their class mates, but I always felt bad why they looked at me like a disgusting human, I was feeling lonely, I was broken, I did wish these people turn into my friends when I woke up. That too happened after few weeks, they both started to be nice to me. Frank use to sit next me and tease me.
I was bullied every day, but that looked like more fun as I laugh with everyone, until one day things gone out of hand.
To be continued….
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