You are a pleasing human being.
Yes YOU! Do you think I am not? I am too! and so everyone is. Everyone is trying to be pleasing one another in a way through out their entire life. So is that mean it is part of our surviving skill? If that is the case how long can we live pleasing others? and what it does to you? How it is been cultivated under our culture, to survive please others.
Harriet B. Braiker called it as “the disease to please”
Well he said that right. We all have been infected by this disease, you, me, your next door neighbor and kids in your class and the colleagues in your office and the security guard of your apartment, and your friends on the street, everybody is, it’s more deadly that any other flu in this universe. During the time where there were people ruling the lands with slaves, these slaves tried to please their rulers in order to not to get punished and work peacefully. I am sure we are not in that era of living, but the habit of pleasing someone and not opening their voice is still continues. There are some people who does that is always been cornered in society.
What are the symptoms?
Thinking what others will say,Let’s take a simple example, Let me ask you wear an attractive shiny waist coat to your office. Your first question in your mind would be, what others will say? Why do you need someone’s approval when you wear something descent and you knows it looks very descent, but you wanted someone’s opinion?
Starting from your simple waist coat, to everything in your life. Another example, now this corona lock down made millions of people to work from home, and I observed people trying to please their bosses by trying to show they are working, one of the person I knew is putting continuous status about his product, he is a sales person, a professional liar in my opinion, is now marketing in all his personal social media accounts. This is an act of attention seeking and proving their loyalty to the company, I would like to remind them that the company never going to be that loyal as he does. A working people productivity is on the results, that is what your company needs. These people are very contagious. Also, when I was kid I was pretending to study whenever my dad and mom is around, I was trying to please my parents my entire childhood, but I never really shown a true interest in studying books, knowingly or unknowingly this act is been part of our life.
What it does to you?
You are losing yourself. You are losing your true self, by bending down to please others until you no longer able to stand straight, your spine is forever bent! You will start to lose real people around you, you will not care about you when you care too much about what others think, and congratulations you will become a perfect Liar, your heart will say no and you will say Yes because you want to please them, and you will lose the capacity to truly love someone because you will lie here also just to please them, personal relationships cannot be like that forever, you will end up live under control of someone and die as some one else’s toy! I am sorry if that is very rude, but isn’t it true?
How to cure this pleasing disease?
Take responsibility, question the orders, prove it wrong when you feels something is really wrong, stop getting convinced, open up. There are places where you don’t have to waste your energy when you obviously know there will be no result talking, be the silent king/queen, prove it in your actions. Stop seeking approval for your actions, if you like it, do it once you believe that can be done. So all I say is, get up, promise yourself that you’ll never bend and try to please others, and talk the right thing, and never hesitate to say No or I don’t know to understand what others making you to do.
A piece of advice
If you think, only by pleasing someone you can survive? I would say open your google maps and find out where you live, and look around the places you have never been. You have a very big world to survive the way you wanted to live. You think? there is no such people? you have google to know the entire world now, so put some effort and look for all the strange people around the globe, they wanted to live that way and they are living, so you can too! Let me end this with an example that might inspire you, search for “The unicorn man”, “The real tarzan”. I have watched about these people in a youtube channel called ‘Nas Daily’. These are the real life people taken their life to next level by doing what they felt right, and in that journey, they don’t have to please anyone and they found the way how to live happily, because in the end living happily is the only mission of a human being.
Thanks for reading!